Under pressure to lose weight from husband Post Reply

[Underpressure]

Hi
I need a little bit of advice.

My lovely daughter is about ten months old and I'm really struggling to lose weight.

I don't mind tooooo much, although I would rather be a bit lighter, but my husband has started to drop hints which is really **** me off/worrying me.

Before we had DD we were both pretty sporty but if I'm honest he was always the driver of it and it felt more like I had a motivational gym buddy on tap. What I mean was it wasn't usually me who was up in the morning saying "lets go to the gym", it tended to be him but to be fair I was happy to have someone to remind me to make the effort.

Anyway over the last few months he's started to drop hints like "when are you going to get back to the gym" (actually as I write I realise thats not a hint its just **** rude) and unsubtle stuff like "wow look at all those mums exercising on the common" and now he's started to say things like "are you sure you want that dessert/chocolate?"

Part of me feels like telling him to **** off and another part of me is a bit worried that I'm on a slippery slope and is this the start of him seeing me as a mum and not a wife? If you know what I mean.

Any experiences/advice welcome

[tamara]

agree that its worrying but only because you are worrying, if that makes sense.

I'd sit him down and tell him you're upset by his crass comments and ask him to stop.

Or, I'd sit him down and ask him to clear three sessions a week for you in your diary when you can go.

That'll either shut him up or tell you how serious he is

[AbbevilleMummy]

I guess the first question is are you actually overweight. Fine, you're a bit heavier than you were pre kids, but if your weight is still within the normal range on the BMI index then I'd tell him to bog off and try ballooning into pregnancy and then popping back to a size 8!!

If you are a bit overweight in terms of your BMI then possibly consider trying to loose some weight sooner rather than later as the longer you leave it the harder it will be. But not for him, for you and your health. Also if you're planning on having another, bear in mind that you'll probably put more weight on with your second and loosing it after your second is much harder than after your first so might be worth getting in shape before you get pregnant again.

But when all is said and done, the most important thing is that you're healthy and happy, not what your husband thinks of other mothers gallivanting around the common!

[Nims]

Hi UnderPressure

If it helps, my husband is exactly the same, making similar comments as yours.

However, he knows it's for my own good. If he doesn't say anything to me, then who can? The penny finally dropped when I couldn't fit into a dress that I wore when I was 4 months pregnant.

So at the beginning of Jan, I joined FitforaPrincess and use the MyFitnessPal app on my iPhone and am in the process of losing my pregnancy weight (I put on 2 stone). I do the mums session on Wandsworth common 3 times a week and bring the baby with me.

I feel much better and happier in myself now, still got a long way to go but it's so rewarding to see the pounds drop.

Ask yourself - do you feel happy in your own body? Is your husband just being cruel to be kind? He probably doesn't realise how hurtful his comments might be - I know mine doesn't. But then again I know mine is being honest (in his own funny little way!) and I appreciate him for that.

Nims

[Underpressure]

@Runningmummy what makes you say that?

[pearlywhite]

I really feel for you, you've had a baby, life is hectic, and the person you need to be supportive is giving you grief. That said, I agree with the poster above who said about him being cruel to be kind. From his point of view you've put on weight and seem to be doing nothing to lose it. Is he worried you'll continue to gain weight?

My hubby is very active (he's off skiing as I write this), he is in naturally great shape and loves to exercise. I'd say his physique is one of his most attractive physical features. I on the other hand, find working out to be a real drag.

Years ago I was quite overweight, I was miserable and fed up of always being tired and not fitting into any of my clothes - I overhauled my diet, and started at the gym. Two weeks after I reached my goal weight I met my husband. He's told me that he's really proud of what I've achieved, as he wouldn't have found me attractive at all at my previous weight. I know if I had a baby, and ten months later I wasn't back at the gym and not watching what I ate he would sit me down and say something. Not out of nastiness, but because he wouldn't want our relationship to disintegrate.

He's probably worried about you, and cares about you and your relationship more than his words let on.

[runningmummy]

Sorry, reading that back it sounds a bit harsh. I .think that he us perhaps the only person who can tell it to you. My husband did years ago and I was narked off with him for years until I did something about it . So pleased I did.

[pie81]

I'm quite surprised at the posters agreeing with your husband to be honest!

It sounds like you are well aware that the weight has crept up and are already trying to lose it. In those circumstances there is absolutely no need for him to be dropping hints subtle or unsubtle, all that will do is make you feel worse.

And it's only been ten months. and it doesn't sound like you are huge.

if you'd gained three dress sizes and it had been two years and you showed no intentions of losing any weight, then yes maybe it would be a good thing for him to kindly drop hints. But doesn't sound like that's the case.

Is he offering to take care of your daughter while you go to the gym? or are you just magically supposed to fit it in somehow?

By the way, my weight also crept up during maternity leave. However since I've been back at work (away from the biscuits ) it's been coming off pretty quickly.

in summary - I'm in the tell him to eff off camp!

[Underpressure]

Thanks Runningmummy, not a problem I just wanted to understand

Half of me wants to tell him to **** of but I also do agree with some posters that it may well be an unpleasant truth.

[Anonymous181]

Hello,
I think it is very unfair that your husband is making hints like this to you!
It's normal for women to put on weight after having a child. He should understand that you must be rushed off your feet with a 10month and all the other things you have to take care of

I would tell him to where to go if I was you!

[SBagnall]

I think your husband is really rude, however my sister has been through a similar situation. Last year, her partner was making similar comments. He was concerned because he felt like it wasn't just baby weight but that she ate to much junk food too and was on a slippery slope to gaining more weight or becoming very unhealthy. Nobody wants their other half to be unhealthy right? My sister got upset and discussed it with my mum who was cruel but kind telling her, it's ok to be as you are if youre happy but you have put on a lot of weight. Both my mum and sister started myfitnesspal online, regulating their diet and exercise (including walking) both do a chasamba class and a hula hoop class each week. In 8 months both have enjoyed their exercise classes, have adapted their diets and still enjoy the odd treat and my sister has lost 2.5 stone and my mum has last 4.5 stone.
I don't know your weight or size or how happy you are and comfortable you are. But maybe your husband had good motives, in terms of health and self esteem but is rubbish at being subtle or polite.

[PipG]

This is a really tricky one. Most of me thinks he is being a bit of a **** and being unfair. You've had a baby and some people jump back in to shape straight away and some don't. I put on loads of weight whilst pregnant and it took me ages to lose it (i had my baby early Jan and was ok by mid Sept so i spent summer looking pretty awful) despite working really hard in the gym as early as I could. I am just about to have a 2nd baby and am huge again, i know it will take me ages to lose it. However, even if he is being unfair, if it's something that really bothers him then you guys need to discuss it and come up with an action plan. Even if it's hurtful, you would surely sooner he raise issues than bottle it up and feel resentful. Long term, resentment in a relationship isn't good. I do think he could raise the issue in a better way though, other than dropping hints all the time. Maybe he doesn't feel that he can just come out and say it.

A few ideas
- If you are honestly happy with how you look, then tell him this and where to stick it (in a tactful way). If not...
- are you a member of a gym with a creche? I used the creche at Virgin active loads whilst on mat leave and thought it was great.
- can you arrange time for him to babysit whilst you go out. Find a class you enjoy. Exploit his comments and use it as an excuse to cash in on getting out and about.
- is there anything that you have ever wanted to do? A 5k, 10k, half marathon, cycling race etc etc. If so, get entered and getting training.
- in my opinion, most of losing weight is related to what you eat, not how much you work out. No joke, i can train for a marathon or ironman and still put on weight (i love food!)
- can you get really fit and then maybe beat him in a race?!

Good luck.

[Newhouse]

Yes good luck and if you are happy then then it doesn't matter AT&T all. Only change if you are unhappy. I found my fitness pal really good.

[darlingmummy]

hello Underpressure,
your baby is only 10 months old so you still have every right to have a bit of baby weight on, your husband is bang out of order.
I still have some baby weight on 5 years on and I don't hear anybody complaining, least of all my husband, so really you should put him straight.

unless he regards you as his trophy wife and you must always look your best for him.
are you an independent woman or are you financially dependent from your husband?
I noticed that when the husband is the one running the show, he demands the wife looks good.

but I might be wrong...............

[Timefortea101]

its a tricky one and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here... I think a lot of how you react depends on how he raises the issue!
Overall I think you need to work out what is right for you. My view is that there is no point crash dieting straight after birth, esp if you are breastfeeding, but that once your baby is on a bottle/ solids, then you should try to cut down to normal levels on the calorie intake and try to start back on the long road to fitness. one key point that others have raised is time - do you have the time to exercise and is your hubby willing to make time for you by doing his share of childcare? If so, then take him up on it - you will feel better getting out there and doing something, and it is easier to cut out the cr&p food when you know you are on the right road on the exercise front...