Wandsworth ex-burglar shares criteria for choosing your home. Unruly children in Byron: selfish parents? Local park to be astroturfed? Help: at wit’s end with child’s tantrums.

Dear NappyValleyNetter,

“It doesn’t look anything like him.”

We’re off to a “milestone” birthday party in a couple of weeks and Mr NVN was tasked with sourcing the gift.

This is usually a mistake. He once, and I promise this is true, bought me a coat which was *exactly* the same as one I already owned. However this time he had an “idea” and so like a toddler who errantly believes that one day peeka-boo might have a different outcome, I allowed him to run with his concept.

Which was a caricature.

In principle he couldn’t mess it up. His friend has a face that lends itself to cartoons, a love of a particular sport which is easy to lampoon and we had a big clear photo to send to the artist.

Except he did mess it up.

My buffoon of a husband incorrectly briefed the cartoonist so we ended up with a beautiful picture of a man who was standing next to our friend in the photo. Someone whom I cannot even name or hazard a guess as to where they might live. It was like a slow motion, very expensive, photo-bomb but you choose the stranger in the picture yourself and then pay ninety pounds to have them lovingly picked out in pastels.

“What are we going to now?” I asked, still slightly stupefied that we were even in this situation.

“Don’t worry,” he replied, “I reckon we can brazen this out by simply making out that the cartoonist was rubbish as opposed to badly briefed.”

Oh, OK. That’s all right then.

Here is what you’ve been talking about on NappyValleyNet (Wandsworth):

Wandsworth ex-burglarMany of you will have seen last week’s news story alleging sexist comments on LinkedIn. But is this an over reaction asks NCL?…click here for details

LP73 wasn’t happy with the behaviour of children eating in Byron. Spirited play or selfish parents?…click here for details

A very interesting video from Wandsworth Council. They’ve videoed an ex-burglar explaining what makes him decide to rob your home.Thanks for pointing this out Kate!…click here for details

Jemina123 is struggling with tantrums. Not her, obviously, but her three year old son. She’s at her wit’s end. Can you help?…click here for details

A bit of a mystery this post, but a worrying one none-the-less. BB’s little one developed a really unpleasant rash but it rose and fell within a few hours. What might it be?…click here for details

Wandsworth ex-burglarM1981 can’t decide between the names James or Rory for her son who is due at the end of October. Which do you prefer, she asks?…click here for details

MM feels she’s been a bit lax in not teaching her two eldest children to ride a bike. Do you have any advice to help her rectify this as soon as possible?…click here for details

TPTP has posted details of a virus that makes a phone take a picture of it’s user and then blackmails them. A scary thought and thank you for the warning TPTP…click here for details

The playground on Upper Tooting Park has secured funding for a revamp. The council are asking for input on what they should do with the space. An indoor aquatic centre and London’s extra runway aren’t on the list but swings and bouncy zebra are! Probably...click here for details

This is a “house and garden” post but I’m mentioning it here because we really need to get an answer! Bodders needs someone to work their magic with Victorian tiles but she’s heard mixed messages about Ground and Steel. Can you gift her a great grouter?..click here for details

3Dollar were an eighties pop combo who sang the classic disco ditty “Mirror Mirror” but that’s not going to help Little M who is looking for a mirror shop not an out-of-date singing sensation. Can you suggest one?click here for details

Petal wants to complain about “nails in tyres”. Although it sounds like another of Dollar’s eighties dismal ditties she’s genuinely upset that she’s had to replaces two tyres due to nails in the road. Builders to blame?…click here for details

HM wonders how much she should pay an au pair?…click here for details

Jill wonders if you have a contact for the lady who used to own Atelier on Webbs Road?..click here for details

SJHmummy wonders if you can recommend the best classes for a four month old around St John’s Hill? Shout if you can help but my initial thought is it’s probably best to stay away from those that involve horse riding or archery…click here for details

We have a new addition to Northcote Road. A big massive welcome to the Flight Centre! Their opening party is on the 19th September and you could win £3000 worth of vouchers! Pick me, pick me!…click here for details

PP has visitors this coming half term. Twin five year old God children who are a little “feral”. Any interesting attractions she should take them to? Errr…London Dungeon and the Zoo?…click here for details

Falcon Park might be astroturfed. Like totally! Good idea? Elna isn’t sure and the Council want your opinion!..click here for details

B7 needs our help. She has some questions regarding acupuncture and a missing/delayed period…click here for details

We have more school’s posts than Corbyn has votes!

Do you have a son approaching secondary school age? Whitgift have an open morning this coming Saturday from 9am till 1pm (click here). They have also announced their brand new online application process (click here). Should cut down on the admin!

On the same theme, Wandsworth Council have posted details regarding secondary school open days which start this week (click here).

Still on the same theme, Highview have posted details of their open day (click here).

PB wonders if one can swap their place at the Belleville Meteor site for the Webbs Road site?...click here for details

In other news, Nicolap asks if you have any spare/unwanted toys for the Bowling Green Cafe?…click here for details

BFT has an au pair. Yay! Who wants some buddies. Double yay! Anyone want to meet up?…click here for details

Hayley’s little one is twelve month’s old and she’s like to stop breastfeeding now. How might she ensure she get’s enough calcium?…click here for details

Chessie is looking for a local enuresis specialist for a bed wetting boy. Please help if you can…click here for details

Our lovely friend Abbeville Mummy has lost a scooter around Northcote Road. Can you help find the missing micro?…click here for details

Two travel topics we must call out! Need a bed and breakfast in Nappy Valley for rellies or guests you can’t house? Check out Glebe in the Old Town, I want to LIVE there! (click here). Further afield, The Martinhal has some pretty special offers available at the moment!click here for details

Finally, it’s your house and garden questions: we have more than Twickenham has scrums!

Zaza wonders where she might find out the legal requirements for a side return, e.g. wall height for neighbours etc? (click here), BM would like to know if you’ve had a Magnet kitchen recently installed and if you’re happy with it? (click here). E09 asks if you can recommend a chimney sweep? (click here) and a brick cleaning company? (click here). ED is searching for someone to restring a blind (click here). CM wonders if anyone has used Urang builders or can recommend a side return specialist? (click here). Sticking with Bob, KD needs a builder to knock down a wall and install a kitchen (click here) OnTheWall has posted details of their professional art hanging service. I know these guys and they are amazing! (click here), Lastly, AL needs a damp proofing company (click here).

Annabel’s Arcade is our “totes free” buying and selling site!

FOR SALE: a Dutaillier nursing chair (click here), FOR SALE: four Doctor Brown bottles (click here) and WANTED: a maternity swimsuit size 10 (click here)

Phew, that’s it, have a fabby week!!


Annabel and the NappyValleyNet.com Team


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