Not invited to best friend's party

10 posts
Mum2Monkey
Posts: 212
Joined: Jun 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Not invited to best friend's party

Postby Mum2Monkey » Sat Nov 18, 2017 5:12 pm

Hello,

I read an absolutely heartbreaking post on this site a few years ago about a girl who had not been invited to her "best friend's party" when virtually all the other girls in the class had been.

My daughter has been struggling to settle into a rather raucous class but luckily now seems to have a small group of friends. One of these is having a party and pretty much all the girls in the class have been invited, apart from mine. Apparently the venue only had room for so many and the mum asked the daughter to name her friends. All the girls are talking about it and my little girl is heartbroken.

I am following the advice on the original thread of doing something special with my daughter that day and if the "you are not going to the party" chatter gets too bad then I will have to talk to the school, although goodness knows what they can do. I will of course never speak the mum again and give her evil glares every time I see her in the playground....!

However in all seriousness, I am totally heartbroken and so sad that I can't protect my little girl from this nastiness. So a shout out to all parents organising parties, please think about the guest list and how you would feel if it was not child not invited. my own view is you do the whole class, just girls, or say 5 but that you shouldn't be leaving out just a couple of any particular grouping. Also friends change, so the 2 your child chooses not to invite one day might not be the 2 they would choose the next.

From a very sad Mummy xx
Post Reply
Popcorncandy
Posts: 10
Joined: Nov 2015
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby Popcorncandy » Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:23 pm

I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation. I can imagine how upset you feel for your LO.

I know it’s a horrible situation but I would suspect that it is borne from the other Mum not thinking about the implications rather than anything more nasty. The party will be forgotten as soon as it’s over and there will someone else’s the next weekend....
Post Reply
Star
Posts: 171
Joined: May 2017
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby Star » Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:51 pm

I feel for you and hear you as a mum of a little girl struggling amongst her group of girl friends lately and it's very sad to see her unhappy and rejected by the girls she adores/ adored. It's so much easier to be a mum of a boy in many ways. Some parents can be thoughtless and not worth your honesty and best intentions in letting your feelings known. They may well think you are over reacting and just won't acknowledge your child's feelings and so you will get nowhere anyway ( has happened to me unfortunately) if you don't have a genuine friendship with those parents beforehand and they are not particularly caring types.

I would say quietly fume and focus on loving and building your daughter's confidence because she is all that matters and remember that there are plenty of friends to be made at primary school and beyond.

Chin up and all the best!
Post Reply
southmum
Posts: 12
Joined: Aug 2013
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby southmum » Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:12 pm

I understand that this might be upsetting but would not think much about it, not worth it. I do not know how old your daughter is, but this often happens starting from year 2 in my experience when the parties become smaller. It can be easily done, for example the venue can have 15 kids and if there are 15 girls in the class sometimes a couple of girls can be left out if the birthday girl wants to invite a couple of boys she is friends with. My daughter was not invited once to a small house party by her good friend and they explained they could not accommodate all friends as the party was small. On another occasion another friend did not invite her to a bigger party where many of her friends were invited. My position was that this happens and the best thing I can is to comfort, not to make a big fuss and to explain that this happens sometimes, does not mean they do not want to be friends and that it is just not possible to invite everyone as there is no room for all friends. Interestingly my daughter remembered that and next year first was thinking of not inviting her friend who did not invite her, but I told her that if they are friends she should actually disregard last year 'not inviting to a party' episode and invite her friend who did not invite her last year. I think life is full of these episodes and we should take this as an opportunity to teach our kids to be resilient and to move on.
Post Reply
parsleysong
Posts: 245
Joined: Mar 2017
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby parsleysong » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 pm

That's really awful and I can understand why you are upset! Girls can be really horrible to one another sometimes! A similar thing happened to us about a year ago when one of my daughter's best friends had a small sleepover birthday party and she wasn't invited. My daughter was heartbroken and crying her eyes out, but I found out (from the girls Mum who was a lot nicer than the Mum in your situation seems) that they'd had a spat and the friendship had cooled somewhat, so we had a chat about it and how it still wasn't very nice of this friend, but understandable and that my daughter might have done the same in this situation. A few weeks on and it was history and a year on they are great pals again. I hope that your daughter isn't sad about it for too long and that her confidence suffers. Great idea to do something special with her x
Post Reply
 
NoodleFan
Posts: 155
Joined: Mar 2012
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby NoodleFan » Mon Nov 20, 2017 6:44 am

Oh dear. Poor you (both). This has happened to us a couple of times and, whilst it seems like the end of the world at the time, I can’t even remember the children who did the not inviting now.
When the kids were younger I always went the other way and slightly (ahem) controlled the guest list. Mostly because I wanted the mums I liked to be staying! Luckily my kids were fairly pliable :)
I do think giving young kids that sort of responsibility (especially a few weeks before the party when everything can change so easily) is asking for trouble.
Best of luck and, as one post said, it’ll all be forgotten (by your daughter anyway...) very soon.
Post Reply
IrenaP
Posts: 56
Joined: May 2016
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby IrenaP » Mon Nov 20, 2017 7:38 am

Unfortunately it’s one of those things in life. There will be more parties like this in the future where a child will not be invited or will not invite others. I learned this at a young age. Absolutely plan something really special with your child for that day. As someone else said the party will be forgotten by Monday and your child will learn a way of coping with these sort of situations and a sense of resilience, and perhaps a bit of independence. In my opinion don’t make a big deal of it.
Post Reply
rooting4tooting
Posts: 316
Joined: Feb 2012
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby rooting4tooting » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:19 am

Hi, yes this does happen but is forgotten about very soon afterwards.
I would invite the birthday child over for a playdate.
We kind of more or less know all the mums and dads of the children in my 7 year old daughters year and we limit any party/activity to 7 so some do get left out but.. hey.. tough... I would not expect my child to be invited to a party without a connection with the parent. But that is happening more as they participate in dance classes or Brownies..
we did 16 children parties a few times and we teamed up with another child once it wasn't that good...
Post Reply
Lovingsleep
Posts: 128
Joined: May 2013
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Not invited to best friend's party

Postby Lovingsleep » Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:00 am

Hmm it does seem very mean and insensitive. A play date is a great idea. Or I would ask the mum ‘has something happened/ did they fall out about something as x was disappointed to be the only one not invited’. It could be a genuine mistake and the invite didn’t get to you? Good luck!
Post Reply
 

Start a conversation
To create a new post and start a new conversation, please click on the button.