birthday parties etiquette Post Reply

[vendredimanche]

My children are still at the age where their whole class gets invited for the birthday parties. I would be interested in your views on the following:

1. if a child cannot attend the party, does he/she still get a party bag (brought to school the following week)?

2. if my child cannot attend another child's birthday party, should they still bring a present to school?

I must admit that my attitude was: if a child does not attend, he does not need to bring a present/ he does not get a party bag – but some Mums are clearly much more generous than I am and have given presents to my children, even when their child did not attend the party.

3. how much do you roughly spend on presents for another child?

4. do you ever "recycle" presents (by which I mean, do you ever give to child A a present that had been received by your child from child B).

Thanks!

[nanny_kitty]

This post made me smile. I moved with my current family from Brussels to London last year and birthday party etiquette is something we have talked about. My own views are the same as yours. If the child cannot attend the party, no presents or party bags should be exchanged. Lots of other mums at the school clearly share our sentiment. It's the other super generous mums that send a party bag/present the next week which make you pause for thought.

I think either decision is perfectly acceptable.

Our typical birthday present budget is around £15.

We have on the odd occasion recycled presents, but make sure you keep track of who gave what

[Medway]

I re-present all the time. I never however give a present from one 'school' child to another 'school' child (too risky). Where a gift is a duplicate - (e.g lego or a book), or something I KNOW my kids will never use (colouring books - they hate them worse luck), I re-cycle which I think of as world resource management NOT as money saving. I would fully expect the same to be happening to presents I have given too and do not mind. For goodness sake though remove any cards/ messages that were to your kids...I once received a really tatty looking set of bathroom stuff from body shop which had been recycled a number of times as I did not recognise either of the names on the attached 'gift' label. I kept it, makes me laugh.

[windmill26]

My children are still at the age where their whole class gets invited for the birthday parties. I would be interested in your views on the following:

1. if a child cannot attend the party, does he/she still get a party bag (brought to school the following week)?

2. if my child cannot attend another child's birthday party, should they still bring a present to school?

I must admit that my attitude was: if a child does not attend, he does not need to bring a present/ he does not get a party bag – but some Mums are clearly much more generous than I am and have given presents to my children, even when their child did not attend the party.

3. how much do you roughly spend on presents for another child?

4. do you ever "recycle" presents (by which I mean, do you ever give to child A a present that had been received by your child from child B).

Thanks!

Hi, just a quick reply to your questions...
1) No
2) No,unless you cancelled at the last minute (example;your child wasn't well)
3) £10 (£15 for a very close friend)
4) Yes

[jafina]

My rules

- no attendance = no party bag (unless I have some left over and it's easy to hand them over or a child was ill and unable to attend etc..) but generally NO

- again no attendance = no present unless child is a VERY close friend of my child and my child couldn't attend due to illness, holiday etc....

- for a school friend about a tenner, close friend £10-£15 but a perfect £5 gift is always better than a badly chosen £20 one (my 5yo's favourite gift was a tube of maltesers one year). I often load up on presents if I see something good on special offer so probably less than £10 if I am organised.

- I recycle all the time , I have twins and often get duplicates (we got 5 of the same LEGO set one year) but I wouldn't recycle something too obvious in the same class. I also wouldn't give something as a present which I wouldn't have considered buying myself (I'm thinking of the time we were given Hama beads for a 3 year old) - they go to charity shop or school jumble.

[moo moo]

I'm so glad that someone has posted this question. I've always wondered what were the 'rules' re. Children's parties & presents! I normally spend around £10 - £15 on a 'school' birthday present and always send one, even if we can't make the party, which ends up costing a small fortune when most children in my daughter's class have a birthday party. Maybe, I adopt a more frugal approach?

[vendredimanche]

Thank you all! So relieved to hear I am not the only one giving no present or and party bag to kids not attending.
And I also giftcycle regularly... Keeping tab of who gave what of course. Had a few close shaves with duplicate books which I was about to re-give until I realised last minute that my child's name had been written inside! But if we get something that I would never had bought in the first place (for example a horrible vampire style doll given last year to my daughter, or this year a fancy dress costume age 3 for my tall 6 y old...), it goes straight to the charity shop.
I also tend to stock up on good (and reasonably priced) presents when I spot them in shops or on the web. So one of our cupboards ends up looking like a toy shop storage room!
MooMoo - thanks for your post, you sound like one of those very generous persons that make me look bad!