Postby Muddlingalong » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:55 am
I have never posted on a forum before but felt compelled to having read the post from cals_mum_silly
I am not trying to criticise or condemn anyone here - that helps no one, certainly not the children involved but I do hope my personal experience might help give cals a better understanding and hopefully a little more empathy in the future.
I am a local mum - just like you cals when my oldest son was not yet two he was a sweet, gentle child. When I saw children throwing their weight around and hurting other kids I, like you would (inwardly) think that the parents were clearing doing something wrong.
Then things changed. My eldest son developed a temper, started having tantrums and became incredibly physical towards other children. My parenting style had not changed, I was baffled and embarrassed by my son's behaviour.
A year later he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of Autism. The years that followed were some of the hardest of my life. I tried desperately to help him understand that his aggressive behaviour was unacceptable but time and again, I would be in the playground with him and he would lash out- parents would look on in horror and we would usually leave, me close to tears, my son screaming.
I was so worn down by years of struggling that sometimes, I'd almost lost the will to fight. I never condoned my son's bad behaviour but, if I'm honest, when things were at their worst, I hadn't the strength sometimes to face people about it and just wanted to flee.
I'm not condoning the way this boy's father behaved - I wasn't there, I didn't see the incident. I do however ask that, if you can, you try to accept that parenting a child with Autism can push a parent to their absolute limit. Maybe this man has reached that point, in which case I hope he seeks and receives some help and support.
The only thing that got me through my low times was the love, understanding and support of good friends - who never turned their back on us and made sure my son felt loved and important, even when his behaviour was at its most challenging. He is now a happy, well adjusted child with a bright future ahead of him.
Life is tough, we're all just trying to get on as best we can. Next time, maybe sit down and ask the dad how he's doing, see if he wants to talk. You never know, you may be surprised by the response.
Yours sincerely, muddlingalongmum