dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

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Sherlika
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Sherlika » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:45 am

I am sorry your son was hurt and the father not apologising was wrong. He missed an opportunity to educate his autistic child in how to be more careful. It has been proven that autistic children are very intelligent and I have a son and brother with autism who are bright and able to learn. My son is actually one of the top students in his class.

However, your reaction to what happened was shocking. You showed the same insensitivity of that father who did nothing when his son hit your child. Autism is a social communication disorder. They lack social etiquette and can be rude and violent, but to push them away and allow them to only play in a park for disabled children? At this day and age I should 'slap' you with a disability discrimination lawsuit. You not only insult that child who does not understand he hit an innocent child, but people like me who grew up with autism and know that many can have a successful and normal life.

If you are that bothered, why don't you read The Equality Act 2010 or keep your child at home?

I will be notifying the National Autistic Society of your suggestion. People like me have to listen to abuse from ignorant parents like me when my son screams in the street ( he never hurt anyone). You should get an education.
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BeautyTherapistMummy
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby BeautyTherapistMummy » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:54 am

We should by no means be discriminated because of disability, colour, religion, beliefs and must remember this. Especially as adults dealing with children.

Lets be real he was only 4, even without being autistic these accidents happen but agree that in all cases If the parent sees its their duty to use that opportunity to educate the child and teach them their sorry's or even simply apologise on the child's behalf and not wait to see if the other parent responds first.

We adults set the example for our children.
Warm Regards
BeautyTherapistMummy
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MGMidget
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby MGMidget » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:56 am

BeautyTherapistMummy, I was just typing something similar to you and completely agree!

There were two quite different stories! Some things are consistent though - a child under two got hurt by an older child and the older child didn't seem to experience any consequences for his actions from his father who saw it happen. I don't know much about autism but do have friends with an autistic child. I always thought they were expected to experience consequences for their actions, am I wrong?
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Sherlika
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Sherlika » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:03 am

I just read the father's reply. I understand him perfectly as I have been criticised for not 'controlling' my autistic child for ignorant parents like this woman. I pity her children because I wouldn't want a mother like that. She sounds like a very low 'middle class' who probably thinks she has class. But she is nothing but a dumb and pathetic human being. We should pity her!
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peppermint
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby peppermint » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:08 am

I absolutely agree with all the replies. If you child is not even two, you have to closely supervise him at the playground, kids can be quite rough without meaning it. Huge respect to Riccione! As a parent of a mildly autistic son of 7, I totally empathise with you.

I remember an incident when older kids were making fun of my then 4 year old son on the playground calling him names using bad words that he'd never heard before and did not understand, but was laughing together with them because they were laughing. I saw him playing with them and was so happy that he was socialising, but when I got closer and heard what was going on, my heart sank. I had to tell them off and have them apologise to him. They knew very well they were truly naughty and sinister. But again kids are kids. It's all learning experience for them.

In reply to the title of the thread, before you judge anyone, stop and consider this. You do not know what fight that person is fighting, what he is going through. Some scientific research proved that the stress of bringing up an autistic child is equal to that of a combat soldier. Just have some compassion, please!
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BeautyTherapistMummy
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby BeautyTherapistMummy » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:12 am

Yes they should be taught certain behaviour = rewards or sanctions. As it was an accident teach him to apologise!

I don't think calling the mother involved middle class (not many of us are top classed) or pathetic etc shows any better behaviour than the behaviour being criticised! Again it's judging..

in all fairness she is right to be upset because her child was hurt and not action taken to even say sorry but as we all agree her behaviour and how she dealt with the matter was not necessary. I'm sure after reading these comments she may reflect and also the father needs to reflect.
Warm Regards
BeautyTherapistMummy
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BeautyTherapistMummy
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby BeautyTherapistMummy » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:15 am

Heading to another forum guys for a more pleasant topic ;-)

Been interesting talking! Wishing all a fab day xx
Warm Regards
BeautyTherapistMummy
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fionapm
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby fionapm » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:17 am

Until I read the father's reply, confirming that the incident actually took place (and with a very different angle on events) I was convinced the original poster was a troll.

Separating children on the basis of disabilities, colour, sex etc is just bizarre. We all have to get along together in this world and the sooner children learn that we are all valuable human beings the better. Playing together is the best way for them to learn acceptance and tolerance.
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Jetsettingbaby
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Jetsettingbaby » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:32 am

I am a mum of an autistic child who is 3 . He sometimes pushes smaller children because something has upset him or he just didnt see them.I always tell him off and make him say sorry , so I understand your anger at the father for not even apologising for his sons behaviour. However how can you say you want to segregate children. You may as well say you want red heads to stay out of the park as well! ( fof the record I have a red headed baby too) your son is only 2 and trust me when he gets to 3 or 4 or 6 he will be like any little boy and be running around with lots of energy and may do something you are not proud of. You can not tell someone that you don't want them in your local playground and to use a park fof disabled children . By the way that park is for teenage disabled children as well not for little ones. If you see this man again and his boy perhaps it's worth baring in mind that perhaps they were up all night with a crying inconsolable boy or perhaps they had a tantrum trying to get shoes on of perhaps he is still waiting to hear the words daddy or even just a murmur or a mumble coming from him. Perhaps he was so happy to be out with his son doing a semi normal father and son thing that it didn't cross his mind to tell his child off.
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BeautyTherapistMummy
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby BeautyTherapistMummy » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:38 am

Jetsettingbaby wrote:I am a mum of an autistic child who is 3 . He sometimes pushes smaller children because something has upset him or he just didnt see them.I always tell him off and make him say sorry , so I understand your anger at the father for not even apologising for his sons behaviour. However how can you say you want to segregate children. You may as well say you want red heads to stay out of the park as well! ( fof the record I have a red headed baby too) your son is only 2 and trust me when he gets to 3 or 4 or 6 he will be like any little boy and be running around with lots of energy and may do something you are not proud of. You can not tell someone that you don't want them in your local playground and to use a park fof disabled children . By the way that park is for teenage disabled children as well not for little ones. If you see this man again and his boy perhaps it's worth baring in mind that perhaps they were up all night with a crying inconsolable boy or perhaps they had a tantrum trying to get shoes on of perhaps he is still waiting to hear the words daddy or even just a murmur or a mumble coming from him. Perhaps he was so happy to be out with his son doing a semi normal father and son thing that it didn't cross his mind to tell his child off.
hi there, totally agree But the father must still show consideration for others and if that is the case communicate that to the parent who was then trying to console her child... #justsaying it's not fair to hurt someone else's child purposeful or accidental and ignore it really.
Warm Regards
BeautyTherapistMummy
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Sw11_123
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Sw11_123 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:46 am

I am pretty sure, from reading the Father's reply, that he is the type of man who would have wholeheartedly apologised to you.

Perhaps he was unable to get a word in, was comforting a 4 year old boy who had been screamed at by a stranger (let's remember you, as a grown up, made a decision to scream at a child - autistic or not - when he accidentally knocked your child over), or simply kept quiet so as not to add fuel to the fire, or perhaps you just didn't want to hear the apology.

Your post 'why does another mum blank me' is far easier to answer having read this post.

Oh to be as patient as Riccione. He taught his son not to be quick to anger and smile not shout. I'm not entirely sure what your son learnt..
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GWcouns
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby GWcouns » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:50 am

Oh my goodness - your comments are astonishing. I just had a look at your previous post (you had flagged up at the beginning of your anti-autism post that this was not the first rant)
You talk about being an American - which I think could be really good news and helpful in this instance. In the UK there is still a fair amount of stigma associated with seeking help for mental health problems, going for therapy. But in the U.S the attitude is far more embracing of it. Hopefully, having read the replies you have received you may start to have an inkling that the 'bad' things that seem to happen to you might actually have something to do with you and your own behaviour and attitudes. Psychotherapy could be really helpful to someone like you - you should google 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder' and see how many bells it rings. I have a hunch it could be like Big Ben on New Years Eve.
I am sorry for the little boy and his dad who you caused so much upset to - but strangely I am a little sorry for you. What an exhausting way to go through your life - in such a self obsessed bubble of ignorance. Get some help or learn to accept that you live in a world with other people - where things will happen that are beyond your control and that we must all learn tolerance if we are to live with others. Tolerance of little children can be trying at times when trying to teach right from wrong - but how can you be intolerant of a little 4 year old boy with autism - who's whole experience of the world and other people is in a different language. Its like shouting at a French kid who speaks no English because he doesn't understand what you're saying. The little boy in the park will of course understand the words you said - but the meaning of everything is different. He must have been very frightened and I hope you at some point can feel some remorse for your behaviour.
And if you feel the urge to come onto this public forum and apologise to the father and child concerned I think you would a) restore a little hope in the human race in the numerous people you have offended and upset by your comments and b) you might even feel a bit better yourself for it.
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Muddlingalong
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Muddlingalong » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:55 am

I have never posted on a forum before but felt compelled to having read the post from cals_mum_silly
I am not trying to criticise or condemn anyone here - that helps no one, certainly not the children involved but I do hope my personal experience might help give cals a better understanding and hopefully a little more empathy in the future.
I am a local mum - just like you cals when my oldest son was not yet two he was a sweet, gentle child. When I saw children throwing their weight around and hurting other kids I, like you would (inwardly) think that the parents were clearing doing something wrong.
Then things changed. My eldest son developed a temper, started having tantrums and became incredibly physical towards other children. My parenting style had not changed, I was baffled and embarrassed by my son's behaviour.
A year later he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of Autism. The years that followed were some of the hardest of my life. I tried desperately to help him understand that his aggressive behaviour was unacceptable but time and again, I would be in the playground with him and he would lash out- parents would look on in horror and we would usually leave, me close to tears, my son screaming.
I was so worn down by years of struggling that sometimes, I'd almost lost the will to fight. I never condoned my son's bad behaviour but, if I'm honest, when things were at their worst, I hadn't the strength sometimes to face people about it and just wanted to flee.
I'm not condoning the way this boy's father behaved - I wasn't there, I didn't see the incident. I do however ask that, if you can, you try to accept that parenting a child with Autism can push a parent to their absolute limit. Maybe this man has reached that point, in which case I hope he seeks and receives some help and support.
The only thing that got me through my low times was the love, understanding and support of good friends - who never turned their back on us and made sure my son felt loved and important, even when his behaviour was at its most challenging. He is now a happy, well adjusted child with a bright future ahead of him.
Life is tough, we're all just trying to get on as best we can. Next time, maybe sit down and ask the dad how he's doing, see if he wants to talk. You never know, you may be surprised by the response.
Yours sincerely, muddlingalongmum
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Muddlingalong
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Muddlingalong » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:04 pm

Riccione, I have just seen your reply. If you read my previous post you will know I empathise with your situation fully. Please take courage - you, as you said, face a huge daily struggle to guide and support your son and from the sounds of things, you and your wife are doing a fantastic job. I wish you and your family all the best.
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Office Manager
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Re: dealing with another parent whose child is autistic

Postby Office Manager » Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:08 pm

#slap and #fish spring to mind.

I and my whole office are mortified, and the more I read out, the more gasps I heard.

My sister has mild autism, so your idiotic comments have hit a cord.

Just for your information, as no doubt you are a very uneducated, unrealistic woman; many of the most successful and clever people have autism, to name a few Richard Branston, no doubt you would have known this, as you live in your own little world.

I would feel ashamed if you was my immediate family.

It's people like yourself that encorage a segregation in this world; I feel sorry for your children if they have to be brought up by such a negative, idiotic person, I really do hope that their schooling will put them right.

Disgraceful.
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