Awful gym moment

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gymgoer
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Awful gym moment

Postby gymgoer » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:07 am

This is a bizarre question but I am curious what others would do. I am a member at a really lovely gym close to Wandsworth Common. Most of the members are very friendly . Last Sunday I went to an early morning class which was full so it was important to partner up. My real life partner partnered with his son so I asked the remaining member in his 50’s if he would like to partner with me . He retorted “Actually I don’t want to be your partner”. I thought he was joking but at the beginning of the class he created an imaginary station and worked out on it. When the instructor showed him there was a spot with me he walked out in a huff and said I don’t want to be her partner and left the gym.
I am recently over the side effects of Chemo on Breast cancer ( it ended in May) so I know I’m not looking my best but I’m in shape , work hard , don’t chatter and pretty much focus on my workout so partnering with me wouldn’t have effected him at all since you work at your own pace. I can’t tell you how hurt and embarrassed I was by his comments. I had seen him before in classes but never ever had any contact with him so I’m not sure why the behaviour.
My question is : what do I do the next time I see him? Should he be named and shamed ? Why would a grown man behave so poorly?
I feel sorry for his family to be married to such a horrible man. I hope if he and or his family ever unfortunately get ill they are greeted with a bit more empathy .

Beketaten
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Beketaten » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:32 am

How rude! I'd just ignore him if you see him again. I am convinced that whatever his problem it is nothing to do with you or your appearance or behaviour, so try not to take it to heart.

JosieJAY
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby JosieJAY » Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:47 am

In would say the issues are entirely his and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. How annoying that he’s ruining your leisure time though. If he so much as scowls at you again I’d report him to the main desk.

Vauxhall Gran
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Vauxhall Gran » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:37 am

Please don't take this personally
I suspect that this man has Aspergers Syndrome like my own beloved husband
If so they have no idea that they are being unkind, they just like being on their own, other people are too distracting and they feel crowded out.
My husband is the worlds kindest man but when we are out sometimes I have to go along soothing the way when people have offered to help and been rebuffed in the most grumpy way. They just cannot behave like the rest of us but they are also fascinating in the way they see the world

Vauxhall Gran
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Vauxhall Gran » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:37 am

Please don't take this personally
I suspect that this man has Aspergers Syndrome like my own beloved husband
If so they have no idea that they are being unkind, they just like being on their own, other people are too distracting and they feel crowded out.
My husband is the worlds kindest man but when we are out sometimes I have to go along soothing the way when people have offered to help and been rebuffed in the most grumpy way. They just cannot behave like the rest of us but they are also fascinating in the way they see the world

janee
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby janee » Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:53 am

How about, in view of the press reports on sexual abuse and harassment, he was just concerned that he might be accused of something? I am assuming that you are female.

sask
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby sask » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:50 am

Aw, hun- I’m sorry this has made you feel so terrible about yourself. Please know that this has NOTHING to do with you and everything about the man’s own issues.

As someone who has suffered with mental health issues myself, I can tell you that partnering with strangers in situations like this can be extremely stressful and distressing for someone dealing with anxiety or Asperger’s.

He probably didn’t know how to express himself acceptably and was highly distressed about the entire idea of having to partner with someone. So yes, he was rude but please understand it’s nothing at all to do with you.

Balance
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Balance » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:41 am

I would say this man might well be sexist, and therefore completely lacking in humanity towards yourself as a female. You might ask the man, with the support of your partner and the class leader, as to why he felt that such a rude response to you was acceptable? He may well have Aspegers or whatever else, but that is his issue and one that he needs to contain better within himself as his response to you was very aggressive.

Claphamconery
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Claphamconery » Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:11 pm

I suspect this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him, he probably just felt very uncomfortable in a physical situation.

Lucy Gardening Lady
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Lucy Gardening Lady » Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:32 pm

I would ignore him -and not take any offence, he was prob in a bad mood

Perhaps if you next see him again, smile brightly and say

" i hope you have a lovely day sir"!! x

gymgoer
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby gymgoer » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:52 pm

Balance wrote:I would say this man might well be sexist, and therefore completely lacking in humanity towards yourself as a female. You might ask the man, with the support of your partner and the class leader, as to why he felt that such a rude response to you was acceptable? He may well have Aspegers or whatever else, but that is his issue and one that he needs to contain better within himself as his response to you was very aggressive.


I did exactly that but without my partner or the class leader. I took him aside in the room off the gym to tell him his behaviour was hurtful and frankly before I could get much further he pushed me away and told me in a sniggering tone to “just go away”.

gymgoer
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby gymgoer » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:52 pm

Balance wrote:I would say this man might well be sexist, and therefore completely lacking in humanity towards yourself as a female. You might ask the man, with the support of your partner and the class leader, as to why he felt that such a rude response to you was acceptable? He may well have Aspegers or whatever else, but that is his issue and one that he needs to contain better within himself as his response to you was very aggressive.


I did exactly that but without my partner or the class leader. I took him aside in the room off the gym to tell him his behaviour was hurtful and frankly before I could get much further he pushed me away and told me in a sniggering tone to “just go away”.

gymgoer
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby gymgoer » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:57 pm

sask wrote:Aw, hun- I’m sorry this has made you feel so terrible about yourself. Please know that this has NOTHING to do with you and everything about the man’s own issues.

As someone who has suffered with mental health issues myself, I can tell you that partnering with strangers in situations like this can be extremely stressful and distressing for someone dealing with anxiety or Asperger’s.

He probably didn’t know how to express himself acceptably and was highly distressed about the entire idea of having to partner with someone. So yes, he was rude but please understand it’s nothing at all to do with you.


Sask - this is a gym whereby every class requires you to partner with a co gym member at a station , he often attends classes every week. This was not a new situation to him. He is just an incredibly pompous turd as I took him aside the week after to explain that his comments were rude and hurtful - he just pushed me aside and sniggered “go away”

gymgoer
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby gymgoer » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:00 pm

janee wrote:How about, in view of the press reports on sexual abuse and harassment, he was just concerned that he might be accused of something? I am assuming that you are female.


Jane- the class is co-ed and We work along side each other supervised by an instructor . Most pairs are co Ed. This was not his first visit to a Sunday class.

Mummy2b2212
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Re: Awful gym moment

Postby Mummy2b2212 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:53 pm

This is outrageous and nothing to do with you I have no doubt.

PM me the class time and I will turn up and tell everyone in a loud voice I refuse to partner him due to his bad breath and bad BO.

This is not acceptable behaviour by anyone.

I hope you don’t take this personally, the guy sounds like a prize moron and you’re better off being no where near him.


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