Postby Nice cup of tea » Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:46 am
A new username (for anonymity) and another perspective.
I am Mum to three lovley children who are loved and cherished. From the day he was born my eldest was as rough as a bulldozer, a complete extrovert and larger than life and lots of fun. My middle daughter is a sweet and sensitive soul, a creative, and a screamer. She didn't walk or crawl until she was 2 and had no inclination to do so, didn't bear weight until 18 months and again had no interest in trying. We weren't too concerned, it was obvious she was more a thinker than a mover. However looking back it probably added to her frustration and screaming! Our issues were probably compounded by an open plan living area with bifold doors (I love fresh air and tended to have them open)
My middle child would scream and scream. She wouldn't be soothed and I came to the conclusion that she had to let out her frustration (although the creaming could go in for an hour of more, when not screaming she was a darling!) Meanwhile my eldest was the proverbial bull in a china shop and with a new born baby in the mix, he was frequently being yelled at to calm down for fearing on injuring himself or someone else. While shouting isn't great, with a babe and a non walking toddler in my arms it was the quickest way to intervene and prevent impending catastrophe! I should say here, I'm a pretty laid back person, none of this stressed me, to me it was all part and parcel of family life, not perfect but hey ho. We were and are an incredible happy and blessed family. (Neither I or my husband had a happy childhood so we thank our stars every day for the happiness we have found)
A neighbour put two and two together, added in some bizarre made up stuff (which she may or may not have believed to be true) and reported me to the NSPCC for abusing my newborn. The police arrived at the door on afternoon while I was playing with the baby. They were apologetic, I was utterly horrified. We put it behind us as one of those odd things and a couple of weeks later went on our first, much longed and saved for, family holiday. Whilst abroad I had a call from social services, the same allegations of abuse. After a chat, they confirmed they had no concerns. However the bottom fell out of my world. Holiday forgotten, we returned home suspicious of everyone around us. We were well known and well liked or so we though, we couldn't believe that this had happened. I felt judged and watched everywhere I went, spied on in my own home, doors and windows were kept shut. I could understand if it was a noise complaint, but it was abuse and some of the allegations were the product of an over active imagination and in no way true. I wasn't able to trust anyone. I did find out who had done this, a neighbour I had never spoken to. I asked why she hadn't just knocked on the door, I would have invited her in and apologised! I got nothing back, no apology, explanation, nothing, just a snide grin. Perhaps she has issues herself, but the hurt this caused me has been immeasurable. I thought we would spend the rest of our days living in our house, but looking at her house every day for three years, fearing further allegations, terrified of every bruise my children got, every time my children shouted or screamed. As I say, I'm pretty laid back, but it was too much and we moved. Through shame of the allegations,mi was never able to tell my wonderful friends and neighbours why.
Don't know what I'm trying to say, of course abuse has to be reported. But if you hear a child screaming, consider knocking on the door, asking if everything is ok. Maybe the Mum would appreciate a chat, I'm sure she doesn't enjoy her child screaming but some kids just go though this phase, it not a reflection on parenting. If your kids haven't gone though it, great, but don't pat yourself on the back whilst being condescending of others, offer a hand to others for god's sake.
Our lives have gone on to be even better, but whilst this may be trivial for some, it really haunts me.
) cake or muffins and go over for a chat. 
