Maserati crashes through window of St Johns Hill pub. Was it your nanny being aggressive? La Cuisiniere and Phase EIght to close.

Maserati crashes through window of St Johns Hill pubDear NappyValleyNetter,

“I have a confession to make.”

I was preparing supper one evening last week and Mr NVN had just walked into the kitchen looking very serious.

He sat down at the kitchen table.

“How much do you think an umbrella should cost?”

Hot on the heels of his yet-to-be-divulged confession, the question caught me by surprise.

“Errr…dunno.” I replied, “thirty pounds?”

“That’s what I thought,” he said, taking out an orange umbrella from behind his back and putting it on the table, “I mean those cheap ones outside a tube station are a fiver so thirty quid from Marks and Spencer and maybe a bit more from a posh shop.”

“I guess so,” I said, “but why are you asking?”

This conversation was getting weirder by the minute. To say Mr NVN hates shopping is a bit like saying the England football didn’t team didn’t do well in the World Cup. It’s true but not a truly reflective summary of the situation. This is someone who resents the “Collecting” bit of “Click and Collect”.

“I was going to a meeting and it was raining.”

“OK,” I said.

“So I popped into a shop to buy a brolly but I was on the phone and didn’t concentrate on the price.”

“Yesss,” I could now see exactly where this was going.

“And I was going to buy a black one but thought this looked prettier and maybe you’d like it so I just paid for it and honestly didn’t check the price till I was outside.”

“I was on the phone,” he repeated rather lamely.

“How much?” I asked.

He replied but I couldn’t make out the price because he was mumbling, it was like dealing with a toddler, “speak clearly,” I said firmly, “how much was it?”

“One hundred and eighty five pounds.” He then brightened up a little, “do you want it as a present?”

Ever since I’ve had my children I’ve had to avoid extreme coughing or giggling fits. Most mothers will know what I’m referring to, I was now laughing so hard I was in serious danger of a breach.

“No way,” I said, “Happy Fathers Day and depending on how much we spend on my birthday probably Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas as well.”

Here’s what you’ve been talking about on NappyValleyNet (Wandsworth):

Thank you for all your lovely comments about our new property/school catchment area section (click here). We couldn’t have dreamed it would be so popular! More updates coming soon!

Have Ryanair changed? JM has posted that they’re offering a heap of allowances to attract new flyers. Maybe they’ve realised that (alleged) outright hatred of their customers is not a good business model?…click here for details

According to the Wandsworth Guardian, a sports car has crashed through a glass window in this Old York Road Pub…click here for details

Wandsworthmummy12 is thinking of starting her 4.5 year old with piano lessons, what age did your children start to learn an instrument, she asks? Mine started pre-birth with simple arpeggios transmitted via ultrasound, but I’m not competitive so you might want to start earlier…click here for details

Caferacer needs a bike, however he nearly fainted when he saw the prices. Is anyone selling a bargain bike so he can “pedal a bike” as well as “peddle his coffee”? (That joke only works if you know that Caferacer has one of those portable coffee shops but I am so proud of it, it’s staying in!)…click here for details

Mimi2’s friend is visiting in July and would like to try Botox so she can move like Nicole Kidman. Hmm that didn’t really work as I was trying to make a play on the “Move Like Jagger” song but I think it failed. Anyway, recommendations please for the bovine based brow binder?…click here for details

Ais79 spotted a nanny acting aggressively towards a little boy. She spoke to the nanny but felt she should make the parents aware…click here for details

Emmakl is sad to see that La Cuisiniere is closing down in August, and her 9 year old son remarked that he hopes we don’t end up with yet another estate agent. I noticed that Phase Eight on Bellevue Road is also closing down…click here for details

Stevosaints lost his wallet On Tooting Bec Common and was told a “nice lady” had it in her possession and was looking for the owner. Do you know who she might be or is the “nice lady” now Amazon’s “Customer of the Month” at Stevo’s expense?…click here for details

Tooposhtopush has posted a link to a harrowing child car safety video, it is upsetting but carries an important message…click here for details

Muddlemoo is really unhappy with the dry cleaner on Northcote Road. From silk blouse to unwanted tie-dye-hippy-chic?…click here for details

SaveTheRomany want to tell you about their Save The Romany Scout Site Open Day! All Welcome! Sunday 29th of June, 12-4pm. Heaps going on and an amazing cause. I’ll see you there!…click here for details

There’s a “Pop-up Baby Shop” at British Heart Foundation, Balham. From beautiful booties to colourful building blocks, it’s all there and another great cause…click here for details

Muddlemoo needs a recommendation for a ‘hog roast company’ for approx 50 people. Mr NVN LOVES a hog roast!…click here for details

Lalectrice wants to know if anyone has used the My Healthcare Clinic at Battersea Reach?…click here for details

Sophieb is desperate for sleep and hoping someone can come to her rescue…click here for details

BA recommends Il Bocciuolo restaurant on Trinity Road. Thanks for the top tip!…click here for details

Killybracken has her first pregnancy and has to choose between NHS care at Chelsea Westminster and St.Thomas. Can you help?…click here for details

Mumofboys needs recommendations for a good driving instructor who teaches in an automatic. I failed my driving test three times but none of them were my fault. At least that’s what I think the judge meant!…click here for details

Millymoo’s 4 year old doesn’t want to go on our summer holiday as there is a danger that there might be mosquito’s, any suggestions for child friendly repellent? (click here)Pixi is in the process of getting ready for the holidays and buying family sun cream for the whole family, best to use? (click here)  and Lovemykids is wondering if anyone knows where to find intensive holiday 1-2-1 swimming lessons?…click here for details

Pinkfishblues has a friend who lives in the South of France who is looking for an English-speaking pen-pal for her 13 year-old daughter…click here for details

MumofFinn has sadly discovered that they are unable to renew the visa for their lovely Filipino nanny and are looking for someone to help them from early August 2014…click here for details

Shantimom needs your local knowledge and is asking if anyone knows of any exceptional studios/gyms between Tooting and Wandsworth Town…click here for details

Ckar17 has registered her son at Mouse House, can anyone tell her more about it? (click here)  and Dominika_RN was wondering if any of you have hadexperience with with Stepping Stones or Hillbrook Early Years?…click here for details

Amme_2005 has just returned from a week on the Amalfi coast and is inspired to adopt a more Mediterranean diet. Can anyone recommend a local farmers market please?…click here for details

MarieAdams has lost her tabby cat, who is 2 years old, very small and has white paws…click here for details

DDJJ has private health insurance through work but they won’t cover her through maternity. Is that standard?…click here for details

Eddie is relocating to LA with their cat and would like to talk with people who have an experience of traveling with their cat. I suspect it’s a bit like that movie “Snakes on a Plane” but with kittens and giggles as opposed to poison and terror!…click here for details

Twomonkeys is going to Legoland and wonders if anyone has some tips about when to go, booking ahead etc etc? A friend of mine had a massive hangover and was actually sick into the model village at Legoland. Jokes about a “carrot slide” engulfing a village weren’t well received, I heard…click here for details

Our great friends at Gambado have a TON of events coming up. Parachute Games (click here), arts and crafts Thursdays (click here), Storm Troopers Balloon Workshop (click here), craft cooking (click here), you could spend ALL summer there!

Can you help with our travel questions? 

8han is off to the Princess Laiza in Lanzarote. Can you suggest kids clubs, rooms and the like? (click here)Victoria whitbread has an Italian villa to rent with a NVN discount, great for small children (click here) and Flowerfairy is considering a trip to New York with a two year old. Can anyone recommend toddler friendly hotels?…click here for details

Our schools section is busier than the England football team’s motivational coach

Sally1 wants to share that Smallwood Primary school are now the national champions after winning the Great Big Dance Off. Well done! (click here). Aida asks if anyone has previous experience at Belleville? Is it difficult to get a place for breakfast or after school clubs? (click here) She’s also looking to share lifts to L’Ecole des Petits/Fulham in September (click here) and Emiliemum wants to know what was the first offer distance to Henry Cavendish this year?…click here for details

Our House and Garden section is busier than Suarez’s Fan Club

MK Kids wants to know what would make you consider hiring an interior designer to design your child’s room? How much you would pay? (click here). HalcsMum would like to get the outside of her house painted since it is currently a weird pale pink. Ballpark costs and colour recommendations please! (click here). Mmb has found a house to buy but there is Japanese knotweed in the garden, anyone with experience of getting/not getting a mortgage for this reason? (click here)VH75 needs a suggestions for a good company to replace their Victorian paved path? (click here)ElizaD needs a good oven cleaning company. (click here) and Sezwedz requires some outdoor stairs water blasted…click here for more details

Looking for things-to-do? Check these out!

More infomation on the Northcote Road fete! Did you know it costs £50k just to set it up? TV screens, diverting buses, cutting back trees, suspending parking bays, SO much goes into one of the top days of the year! (click here). Puddle Ducks’ swimming programme delivers nurturing, fun classes to babies, toddlers and pre-school children. (click here). First Aid for Life has courses in Balham on weekdays and Westminster at weekends. (click here) Come and enjoy a magical adventure with Bertie and Boo’s Story time (click here) 

AnnabelsArcade is our totally free buying and selling site!

This week: A red kite baby go round entertainer for £30 (click here). an Isla Bike (CNOC 16, purple) for £110 (click here)  and a massive electricals clearance, Dyson, Siemens and Samsung, take a look! (click here).

Lastly, have you seen our amazing offers and competitions?  It’s the last week to win a trampoline from Capital Play, a spray tan from All About The Girl and a 1:1 personal training session from Fit for a Princess!…click here for details

That’s it, have a wonderful week!!


Annabel and the Team


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