Man shot in SW London Waitrose car park. Nanny’s child keeps weeing on my carpet. “Hit with £9k Lambeth Council bill!” Party entertainer suggestions please

Dear NappyValleyNetter,

“Help, I don’t know which one is the chilli burger!”

Every year we host a barbecue for thirty or so of my extended family and every year Mr NappyValleyNet and his equally immature cousins (they are related after all) play “Burger Roulette”.

This involves infusing one burger with an overload of chillies and then offering it to one of the guests.

The joke is only funny, and I use that word loosely, if it’s eaten by one of the younger adults because no-one wants to see one of the five Septuagenarians or six toddlers running to the fridge, desperate for a cold drink.

Which is why it’s important to know which burger is “running hot”. And this year they lost track. It was rather like watching a re-enactment of the “Find the Lady” card trick as they desperately tried to work out where it might have gone.

Finally my father started coughing and spluttering, going red and vigorously waving for a cold beer, which was ferried over to him by a guilt ridden Mr NVN.

“Are you OK?” he asked, visibly worried.

“Course I am you big wuss,” came the reply after he’d drank at least three bottles “I can barely taste it but you so rarely get a round in I was enjoying watching you hand out the drinks.”


Here is what you’ve been talking about on NappyValleyNet (Wandsworth):

Last week a user by the name of “Hyde Ranger” wrote about her husband’s nasty traffic accident. This week it’s Sladva who posts on the same theme. She was hit by a car on Clapham Common Westside and would like to thank all of those that came to her aid AND to warn you to be careful on this dangerous crossing. Thank you Sladva and we’re delighted you’re making a swift recovery!…click here for details

Man shot in SW London Waitrose car parkA man was shot in the leg in a SW London Waitrose car park. We understand his injuries are not life threatening…click here for details

Now this is a tricky one. Lucych writes that her nanny brings her son to work but he keeps weeing on their carpet. What might she do? And please don’t suggest lino!…click here for details

If you like Ed Sheeran you can hire his builder. Or even if you don’t. And for avoidance of doubt it’s not a Lego house…click here for details

Three pet questions! Calliwally is looking to buy a Cavapoo and wonders where from? I have to say the name sounds like it’s part of the previous post! (click here), Ms Tina wonders if they should buy a dog? (click here), Mrs Mac is looking for a dog walker (click here) and LL would love recommendations for aninteractive doll for a three year old which I know isn’t strictly a pet but is performs a similar function. Maybe…click here for details

Man shot in SW London Waitrose car parkSunshine asks if any of you have used the Concept Fertility Clinic in Wandsworth? She wonders if their diagnosis package represents good value? Good luck Sunshine and I hope we can help…click here for details

Two medical questions. EAM is looking for a doctors in Balham (click here) and Misty32 needs help with a very stubborn here for details

NL13 would love your suggestions for a children’s party entertainer for a four year old girl. Don’t listen if anyone suggests “Burger Roulette” as a party game! (click here) Jgh wants the same but for a six year old. That’s definitely old enough for burger roulette! (click here).

From burgers to fish, Milly is looking for fantastic fishmongers…click here for details

FTM would love to borrow a roof box! Can you spare one for a wee-while? here for details

Don’t forget, there is an au-pair meet-up THIS WEEK!…click here for details

3ILCC would like a gold ring resizing, can anywhere can help my precious?…click here for details

DD wonders if you can help her choose a tee-pee?…click here for details

A quartet of celebration posts. Gail would love restaurant suggestions for her forthcoming birthday (click here),  MrsM would welcome any Christening lunch venue ideas (click here), Jools needs a baby shower location (click here) and VDM needs inspiration for a very special gift for a very special friend on her here for details

Are you a Lambeth leaseholder? Have you been hit with a NINE THOUSAND POUND BILL?…click here for details

Do you know your plimsoles from your trainers? Reb has a school uniform list and is confused!…click here for details

Nemo lost her diamond pendant just off Thurleigh Road, if you’ve found it please do get in touch!…click here for details

You know the St John’s Hill festival, the one coming up? Well Gertrude & Ivy want to say a big thank you to the sponsors!…click here for details

Do you have a sweet tooth but want to stay healthy? Well there is a raw food and yoga workshop just for you! You had me at “sweet tooth”…click here for details

4Thames Christian College have announced their new scholarship scheme, this could be an invaluable initiative for those looking for school fees assistance…click here for details

Two travel topics! Julian has posted details of his October Spanish tennis courses, hola! (click here) and PeasePudding wants to recommend a Brittany gite…click here for details

Looking for a new position? We have roles for fulfillment assistants, part-time book-keepers and a mum looking for help setting up a lifestyle company!…click here for details

Two new nurseries are opening in the near future. Kidsfusion are opening a flexible, activity-orientated childcare service (click here) and Balham Rainbow is throwing open it’s doors just next to Waitrose…click here for details

Our great friends at Francesca Alexander have just opened their new Garden Room. It looks lovely! Spray tans and beauty treatments anyone? See you there!…click here for details

Geraldine is looking for information on St John Bosco, Chestnut Grove and St Ceciiias. She’s new to London and would love feedback. Bueller? Bueller?…click here for details

Sticking with schools, Shaftsbury Park Primary has a new farmers market. I always buy my farmers from there!…click here for details

Finally, it’s your house and garden questions: we have more than Kanye West has political ambitions!

C. needs a cleaner in Earlsfield (click here), YAH is searching for an interior designer (click here). GT&R wonders where she might get a Dyson serviced? (click here) BLT asks how to boost WIFI coverage? (click here). On the same theme, T&R is looking for the best local Internet service provider? (click here). Nicnox would love your builder/roofer recommendations (click here). Three of you ask about insurance for houses that have been underpinned (click here) EAM needs a carpet shop (click here), Lastly, Mummag wants someone to paint the outside of her house (click here).

Annabel’s Arcade is our “totes free” buying and selling site!

FOR SALE: a CARES airplane belt (click here), FREE: a black dining table (click here) and WANTED: a micro-scooter (click here)


Phew, that’s it, have a fabby week!!

Annabel and the Team
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